There are few things in life that test our character more than waiting. Not the kind of waiting where you’re stuck in traffic with your favorite playlist on, but the heavy kind; waiting without certainty. The waiting that weighs on you because you don’t know if it will end tomorrow, next month, or next year.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this today because something big just wrapped up. A long-awaited promise was finally fulfilled. And in the process, I witnessed firsthand how differently people behave when placed in the uncomfortable chair of “the waiting room of life.”
Imagine a waiting room where everyone has been told their name will be called someday, maybe soon, maybe late. You’d see at least two kinds of people.
Some people sit quietly, open a book, maybe start a new project on the side while glancing occasionally at the clock. They don’t need to narrate their suffering to the entire room. They choose dignity over drama. They know that patience doesn’t have to be loud. Their silence doesn’t mean they’re weak; it means they trust time to make things right. And in that restraint, you see a strength that outlasts complaints.
Other people stand near the receptionist, tapping the counter, repeating the same demand on loop until the staff know their voice better than their name. They file public complaints, tag people in pleas, sometimes even grab attention by blocking others’ access to what’s rightfully theirs. The drama is loud, the script unchanged: “This is unfair! Someone must pay for my suffering.”
During my reading time this afternoon, I picked up Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke. I landed on a section that made me nod in agreement and maybe chuckle a little at the timing. She wrote:
In more than twenty years as a psychiatrist listening to tens of thousands of patient stories, I have become convinced that the way we tell our personal stories is a marker and predictor of mental health. Patients who tell stories in which they are frequently the victim… are often unwell and remain unwell… By contrast, when my patients start telling stories that accurately portray their responsibility, I know they’re getting better.
That hit home. Because in this past year of waiting, I’ve seen two types of narratives play out, as described in 'the waiting room of life' above.
There are people who wait with dignity. They acknowledge the delay, they don’t sugarcoat their discomfort, but they also use the time to plant new seeds elsewhere. These people grow. You can literally see them becoming stronger, more creative, more resilient. They choose to tell stories where they are still the main character, not just a helpless extra in someone else’s script.
And then there are the others. The ones who cling to the victim narrative like a life raft. They demand. They shout. They intimidate. They spin stories where everyone else is the villain, and they are the eternal, innocent sufferer. The problem with this narrative, as Dr. Lembke points out, is that healing can’t happen if the story never moves beyond victimhood.
Let’s be honest: waiting is awful. I don’t blame anyone for feeling restless or even angry when life feels heavy. Anger and loudness sometimes work. They get attention. They can speed outcomes in a world that responds to noise. But attention is not the same as dignity. And noise often costs more than the short-term reward. The person who yells at the reception desk might get a quick apology or a rushed check, but they also leave a footprint: a bad impression, on everyone who watched.
And here’s the thing:
How we wait reveals more about our character than whether the outcome turns out in our favor.
And the way you carry yourself while waiting matters just as much as the thing you’re waiting for.
Psychologists call this mindset shift locus of control. People with an internal locus of control believe that, while they can’t control everything, they can control their response. Research shows these people tend to have better stress management, stronger resilience, and higher overall satisfaction in life. On the other hand, those stuck in external locus of control always blaming others : the boss, the system, the weather, the government, the economy... they tend to spiral. It’s not just a bad habit; it’s a predictor of poor mental health.
Even scripture echoes this wisdom. There’s this line from the Bible that I love, where Jesus, in the midst of cruelty done to Him, said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
That’s the opposite of victim mentality. That’s radical responsibility: not for what was done to Him, but for how He chose to respond.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should never demand our rights or stay silent in the face of wrongdoing. Absolutely not. But there’s a difference between standing for your rights with dignity and sinking into a perpetual tantrum. One builds respect. The other just embarrasses you in the long run. In closed industries, reputations move faster than money.
I’m not talking about vindictiveness here.
I’m talking about consequences dressed as courtesy.
In the last year I observed a company merger & acquisition unspool, and the most revealing thing wasn’t the legal paperwork or the spreadsheets; it was how people behaved when they had to wait for compensation.
Some accepted the process, kept their dignity, and quietly pursued other work. When the payments finally arrived, the pattern had already marked itself. Those who waited and worked on forward movement were the ones people wanted to hire or collaborate with, or at least get the positive recommendations.
On the contrary, those who staged public tantrums left an echo. By echo, I mean the kind of reputation that lingers long after the noise itself has faded. People might forget the details of the complaint, but they remember the tone, the behavior, the way dignity was lost in the process.
That echo follows them into interviews, into boardrooms, into quiet conversations where decisions about hiring and collaboration are made. And the irony is, while the tantrum might have been meant to demand justice, the lasting impression often ends up closing more doors than it opens.
This is not about punishment; it’s about how a narrative shapes future opportunities. In our field, where networks of leaders, HR heads, and founders know each other, people talk. They always have. Your behavior in one chapter tends to follow you into the next.
In plain terms: people who say “what can I do now?” are more likely to succeed than those who say “who should I blame?” The latter might attract short bursts of sympathy, but they rarely attract long-term respect.
That same clarity is also why a wise leader sometimes hesitates before responding to pressure. When the noise becomes a mob on social platforms, decisions get rushed, families get pulled into conflict, and private details spill into public spaces that should have stayed private. It’s messy and unpleasant.
But reacting to noise often escalates harm for everyone. What starts as one demand can quickly spiral into a storm of accusations, screenshots, and public narratives that take on a life of their own. The more you explain, the more fuel you seem to add.
That’s why a wise leader chooses the slow, painstaking route: answer calmly, fix what must be fixed, and let work speak for itself. It’s not weakness; it’s strategy. It’s the wisdom of knowing that time has a way of sorting truth from drama. Dignity preserved in silence speaks louder than a hundred defensive statements.
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| Waiting in silence at Hyde Park |
Waiting is inevitable. Life is full of waiting rooms; some longer than others. What matters is the story you tell yourself while sitting there.
Are you writing a victim script, where the world owes you compensation for every discomfort?
Or are you writing a hero’s journey, where even delays become detours into unexpected growth?
I know which story I want to tell. I want to be the person who waits, yes maybe impatiently at times, but still with hope, with grace, and with an eye for opportunities that can bloom in the silence of waiting.
And maybe next time you find yourself in a long, uncertain wait, you’ll remember this: your character is being shaped in the waiting. Don’t waste it on tantrums. Use it to practice patience, to nurture resilience, and to tell a better story about yourself.
Let’s practice waiting like craftsmen, not tantrum artists. Build while you wait. Tell a healing story. When the day comes that the ledger is balanced, may your life be richer not only in what you receive, but in how you learned to receive it.
Now go make something while you wait.