After a full month of hibernation since my hysterectomy on August 15, I finally started opening myself up again to the social life other than family and church. Last week it began with a day out with Mbak Fithri, and today it continued with a hangout session with Mbak Ike, who came all the way just to “kidnap” me for a few hours.
Here’s the thing about me: I can get along with anyone, but I’m extremely selective with whom I give my time. My heart is like a little guesthouse: many can knock, few are welcomed inside. And when I do let someone in, I give my full presence. No scrolling, no gadgets, no half-hearted nods. Just talk. That’s what happened today with Mbak Ike.
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| Posted with consent |
We sat at Hygge BSD, facing a wide glass window that overlooked the busy highway. Strangely, it felt like the perfect backdrop. Two women catching up on life, while cars and buses rushed by like background noise in a movie. We talked for one and a half hours straight, and honestly, it felt like fifteen minutes. So many updates, so much good news, which was the opposite of our last meeting on June 11.
Mbak Ike is officially an “Ibu Jenderal” now, congratulations!! I couldn’t stop smiling when she told me. And from my side, I finally had some bright updates too. My post-ops recovery is going well, and the company my husband has been working so hard for has finally fulfilled its obligations. One huge burden lifted. More good news, please.
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| Luv u Mba Ike <3 |
Sitting there, I realized something: showing up again after a long pause is both an act of courage and an act of love. Because let’s be honest: after surgery, after pain, after any kind of big life interruption, it’s tempting to stay hidden. To keep the curtains closed, to use recovery as a permanent excuse. The world feels too fast, too loud, too demanding. Meanwhile, you’ve gotten used to your little cocoon where pajamas are the dress code and rest is the only appointment.
But at some point, healing asks us to return.
Psychologists call this behavioral activation. It's the idea that even when you don’t feel like doing something, especially after illness or depression, the act of gently re-engaging with the world helps you recover. In other words, you don’t wait until you feel 100% ready. You start small, and readiness grows along the way.
That’s exactly how it felt today. I didn’t wake up saying, “Yes, I am fully healed, and my social energy is overflowing.” No. I woke up still a little hesitant, still protective of my limited strength. But I showed up. And showing up rewarded me with laughter, stories, and a deep reminder that connection heals in ways medicine never could.
There’s a beautiful line in Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness: “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” I think the same applies to recovery. To rejoin life doesn’t mean you have to be the old version of yourself. You show up as you are now. Slower, softer, perhaps more fragile. And that’s more than enough.
I sometimes wonder why I guard my time so carefully. Maybe it’s the INFJ in me, but small talk with random people often drains me. Deep talk with a trusted soul, however, fills my cup. That’s why I’d rather have two meaningful hours with Mbak Ike than twenty scattered interactions with acquaintances. And I believe this is a kind of wisdom we only learn after life shakes us up. We no longer crave the noise, we crave the essence.
Of course, not every friend will understand this shift. Some will think you’ve become too serious, too unavailable, or too picky. But the real ones, the ones who matter, will not only understand. They will also celebrate it. They'll come pick you up after surgery, order noodles with you, and laugh at old inside jokes.
If you’ve been hiding lately, whether because of illness, heartbreak, or just the heaviness of life, consider this: you don’t have to plan a grand comeback. Start small. Meet one friend. Take one walk. Drink one cup of coffee outside your house. Let the world see you again, little by little.
Research actually supports this: social connection is linked not only to emotional well-being but also to physical health. A study from Harvard (the famous Harvard Study of Adult Development, which tracked people for over 80 years) concluded that relationships are the strongest predictor of both happiness and longevity. Not diet, not money, not career success. But relationships. Isn’t that wild?
So maybe today wasn’t just a casual lunch date. Maybe it was medicine. Not the kind you swallow, but the kind you soak in.
As I write this, I feel grateful. Grateful for friends who make the effort. Grateful for my body rebuilding its strength. Grateful for the reminder that life, even after detours, keeps offering us good news if we’re willing to show up and receive it.
And maybe that’s the lesson of today: the art of showing up again is really the art of hope.
If you’ve been hiding, come out for a little while.
If you’ve been silent, say something, even a small “hi.”
If you’ve been stuck, take one step forward, however tiny.
The world is waiting, not for your perfection, but for your presence.
Because sometimes, one bowl of noodles and one good conversation is all it takes to remember: we’re still alive, and life is still worth showing up for.
Show up,
Nuniek Tirta
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