Not Winning, Still Blooming

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Every year, my husband and I get invited to the BCA Wealth Summit at the Grand Ballroom Kempinski, Jakarta. Same venue, same buzz, same format, even the same familiar faces. One of them is Ko Michael, who insists on not being called “Pak” because it sounds too old, hehe. It’s always nice to catch up with him, exchanging updates on investments, startups, and the comfort of knowing we’re still orbiting in the same world.

With ko Michael the owner of King Foto Indonesia at BCA Wealth Summit

One of the things that always makes the Summit worthwhile are the sessions that stretch my mind.

Mari Elka Pangestu, Vice Chairwoman of the National Economic Council, talked about The New Trade Paradigm and Its Implications to Indonesia. One line stayed with me: in a world shifting from globalization to regional blocs, Indonesia needs to think less like a passive participant and more like a proactive designer of its role. It reminded me that wealth is not just about assets, but about positioning; being ready for change instead of resisting it. For individuals like us, the translation is simple: don’t cling to the “old way” of doing things just because it feels safe. Be adaptable, or risk being left behind.

Pioneers vs. Heirs was another session that left a strong impression on me. Pak Toto Sugiri, founder of IDC, showed that impact doesn’t always scale with headcount. Imagine this: his company is valued at IDR 730 trillion, yet the total team is only about 160 people. Focus, efficiency, and clarity of direction can sometimes build more than sheer size ever could.

On the other hand, we heard the inspiring journey of Hanny, founder of Jim’s Honey. She started her business while still in college, growing it step by step until today she owns her own factory and leads 700 employees across Indonesia. From a small student dream to a national brand; that’s persistence paying off in the most tangible way.

As Hanny was sharing her story, I immediately thought of my friend Jessica, who also happens to be Jim’s Honey’s cofounder. I texted her right there, and not long after, Jessica and her fellow cofounder kindly came over to where we were sitting in the very front row. Natali actually thought Jessica was my personal friend, not realizing I’d first met her through Aksoro, where Natali himself had been a speaker. 😄

And yes, no BCA Wealth Summit feels complete without doorprizes. Latest versions of MacBooks, iPhones, iPads, gold bars, etc. Two years ago, I actually won 10 grams of gold. Unfortunately, I had already left. Classic INFJ move: slipping out early because my energy battery hit “low” and missing out on actual shiny rewards.

This year, I stayed until the very end. Surely the universe owed me one, right? Nope. No MacBook. No gold. No sparkly anything. The only thing I held in my hand was a MAP voucher worth 200k from the activation booths. Which, to be fair, covered dinner for me and my husband… but was swallowed in one meal because, well, Jakarta.

On the drive home, we passed a row of flower shops. I randomly picked one that displayed the most tuberoses. The owner handpicked the best stalks for me and even slipped in a bonus. When I got home, my room turned into a perfumery. Grade-super tuberose, fragrant without shedding, for just 7k a stem. See? No winning, still blooming.

Here’s the thing I realized as I arranged the flowers in a vase: most of us live in the tension between what we expect to get and what we actually receive. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a fancy wealth summit or just another ordinary Thursday. The quiet frustration of not winning what we hoped for (be it a MacBook or a dream outcome) can leave us feeling like life skipped our number.

That’s the subject I want to explore today: the gentle gap between what we expect and what we actually receive.

If you’ve ever walked into something with high hopes and walked out with… well, a consolation prize (or nothing at all), you know what I mean. Psychologists actually have a name for this cycle: the hedonic treadmill. No matter how much we get, our happiness tends to return to its baseline. Research from Brickman and Campbell showed that even lottery winners, after the initial euphoria, didn’t report being significantly happier than non-winners in the long run. In other words, the MacBook high fades. The gold bar glow dims.

What lingers, though, are small, sensory joys. The fragrance of tuberose wafting into your room at night. A laugh shared over dinner, even if it was overpriced. The look on someone’s face when they hand you a little extra “just because.” 

So how do we handle this gentle gap without letting it sour us into cynicism? Here’s what’s been working for me:

Reframe the win.
Instead of thinking, I didn’t get the iPhone, I ask, What did I walk away with? Sometimes it’s a new opportunity, sometimes an experience, and sometimes just free flowers that turn into a blogpost.

Shift the focus from outcome to process.
Psychologists call this process orientation. It’s the practice of valuing the experience itself, not just the result. I got to attend insightful sessions, meet people, and share time with my husband. That’s already wealth in another form.

Practice gratitude, but make it specific.
Vague gratitude feels shallow. Specific gratitude sticks. Instead of “I’m grateful for today,” I try, “I’m grateful the florist lady picked the freshest tuberoses for me.” That concreteness rewires the brain more effectively, according to studies on gratitude journaling by Emmons & McCullough.

The next time life hands you a voucher instead of a gold bar, pause and look around. What unexpected, quieter gift is waiting for you? Don’t miss it because you’re too busy staring at the prize table. Go buy yourself flowers, literally or metaphorically. Let them remind you that empty-handed doesn’t have to mean empty-hearted.

Keep blooming,
Nuniek Tirta 

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