Keberhasilan Perkawinan

Saya sedang membaca buku Intimate Relationships, Marriages & Families karangan Mary Kay DeGenova ini sebagai bahan referensi tugas kuliah.

Isi buku ini lengkap sekali, dan ilmunya penting untuk dibagi. Jadi daripada cuma tersimpan rapi di memori komputer saya, lebih baik saya share yaa…

Dimulai dengan 4 kriteria yang mendefinisikankeberhasilan perkawinan,
yaitu :

1. Durability
(Daya Tahan)

Banyak
orang mengatakan bahwa pernikahan yang bertahan lama lebih sukses daripada
pernikahan yang bertahan sementara. Dalam banyak kasus, stabilitas pernikahan
dan kualitas pernikahan berjalan seiring. Namun, lama atau tidaknya pernikahan
tidak dapat dijadikan kualitas perkawinan secara keseluruhan, sebab banyak juga
pasangan yang bertahan lama dalam perkawinan meskipun di dalamnya terdapat rasa
frustasi, konflik, atau ketidakbahagiaan.

2. Approximation of Ideals (Mendekati
Cita-cita)

Cara
lain mengevaluasi keberhasilan perkawinan adalah dengan melihat sejauh mana
perkawinan mendekati cita-cita pasangan atau memenuhi harapan mereka. Kedua
belah pihak memiliki konsep masing-masing mengenai hubungan yang ideal.

3. Fulfillment of Needs (Mencukupi
Kebutuhan)

Kriteria
lain dalam keberhasilan perkawinan adalah dengan melihat apakah perkawinan itu
memberikan kontribusi yang cukup terhadap kebutuhan-kebutuhan individual,
termasuk berikut ini:

Psychological needs (kebutuhan
psikologis) – cinta, kasih sayang, persetujuan, dan pemenuhan diri.

Social needs (kebutuhan
sosial) – pertemanan, persahabatan, dan pengalaman baru.

Sexual needs (kebutuhan
seksual) – pemenuhan kebutuhan seksual baik secara fisik maupun psikologis.

Kriteria ini membutuhkan pasangan untuk
menyadari kebutuhan masing-masing dan memberi andil dalam memenuhinya.
Perhatikan penekanan katanya pada kata “memberi andil”. Pernikahan tidak
mungkin bisa memenuhi seluruh kebutuhan. Beberapa kebutuhan akan selalu dicapai
melalui peran di luar perkawinan itu sendiri, misalnya pekerjaan, pertemanan,
kegemaran, dan rekreasi. Namun, perkawinan yang sukses memberikan kontribusi
yang dapat diterima.

Ada dua hal yang perlu dicermati.
Pertama, akan sangat membantu jika pemenuhan kebutuhan ini mutual, dalam arti
saling memenuhi target.
Dalam hubungan di mana hanya salah satu pihak saja yang melakukan pemenuhan
kebutuhan sementara yang lain hanya menerima, maka yang memberi seringkali
menjadi kelelahan. Kedua, saling memenuhi kebutuhan ini hanya mungkin terjadi
apabila kebutuhan itu berada dalam batasan harapan yang realistis. Orang yang
sangat tergantung, posesif, misalnya, menuntut terlalu banyak cinta dan
persetujuan yang tidak mungkin dapat dipenuhi oleh pasangannya. Dalam hal ini,
perkawinan mungkin gagal, bukan karena keengganan memenuhi kebutuhan pasangan,
namun karena tuntutan tidak masuk akal dari pasangan yang tak pernah puas.

4. Satisfaction (Kepuasan)

Sebagian
besar penelitian tentang keberhasilan perkawinan mengukur kepuasan pernikahan:
sejauh mana pasangan puas dan terpenuhi dalam hubungan mereka. Menurut
pandangan ini, keberhasilan perkawinan didefinisikan sebagai sejauh mana kedua
pasangan dalam hubungan merasa puas, bahwa perkawinan telah memenuhi harapan
yang masuk akal dan kebutuhan bersama.

Definisi ini mengakui
bahwa ada perbedaan individual dalam harapan dan perlu persyaratan, sehingga
apa yang memuaskan seseorang mungkin tidak memuaskan pasangannya. Kepuasan perkawinan
meliputi kualitas perkawinan, penyesuaian-penyesuaian perkawinan, dan
kebahagiaan perkawinan.

Selanjutnya: 12 Karakteristik Pernikahan yang Berhasil

Comments

Unknown said…

Permisi mba nunik, mau tanya, itu bukunya ada ebooknya nda ya?

January 20, 2020 at 9:27 AM

Saya Nuniek Tirta, bukan ((hanya)) seorang Istri Direktur

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