The mind reasons, the heart feels, and the soul decides which one to trust.
— Nuniek Tirta Sari
It's ladies lunch out Tuesday! My friend Aliyah Natasya picked me up around 11:30. The plan was simple: lunch and coffee. Nothing fancy. Just two women escaping the weekday rhythm for a little while. Aliyah has always carried herself with a kind of quiet grace. The kind that doesn’t ask for attention, but naturally draws it. Calm, thoughtful, and composed, she speaks in a way that makes you want to listen longer.
We headed straight to Small Gaps, a café that—plot twist—turned out to be the rebrand of my old favorite, Second Floor. Same location, same layout, same cozy vibe... but with a new name and, surprisingly, better coffee. Apparently, one of the owners pecah kongsi, meaning they split up, hence the rebrand. She confessed she’d promised herself to visit ever since the opening of Second Floor but only managed to do it now, with me. Lucky me!
Their nasi bebek bumbu madura was surprisingly delicious! Tender duck, flavorful spice, big portion, with a lot of bite-sized bakwan. The tea was unexpectedly unique, too. And when I tasted the coffee Aliyah ordered, I had to admit, “This is actually better than before.” Well, maybe sometimes a little separation is good for growth. The only minus for me is that they don't provide a complimentary palm-sized mineral water with the coffee like Second Floor used to serve.
Our conversation flowed like good music. We talked about everything from motherhood (her kids are still six and eleven), my juggling act managing ten properties across seven cities, and the oddities of growing up in completely different family cultures. She told me about her childhood and her unique background. I shared about mine, especially the cultural gap between my husband’s family and mine that sometimes shows up in our marriage. The same story I wrote in The Real Marriage Life.
I love that with Aliyah, I don’t have to filter or explain too much. She listens fully, laughs easily, and gives space when it’s my turn to talk. Time flew, as it always does when conversations are soul-filling. Suddenly it was already 2 PM, and she had to accompany her child to piano lessons. She dropped me back at my apartment just a few minutes away, and later sent me our photos with a message: “Next diulang.” Absolutely!
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| Nuniek Tirta and Aliyah Natasha |
Around 3:45, my husband came home. Sweaty but smiling, holding a large Cha Time cup. Turns out he had gone to the mall by bike, had his meeting, and cycled back. We exchanged stories: him about his meeting, me about my lunch with Aliyah. And before long, he had to hop into another online meeting until late afternoon.
Around six, the apartment started smelling like heaven. My daughter was deep in cooking mode: bubbling curry sauce, sautéed onions, soft eggs ready to fold into fluffy omurice. By seven, she plated it beautifully, and we devoured everything in about five minutes. It was that good. I did the dishes while my husband fetched packages from the lobby. Just another ordinary family rhythm: familiar, comforting, but somehow perfect in its simplicity.
Later, we curled up on the couch for Netflix night. We were watching Squared Love All Over Again, a sequel to the one we finished last week. It was light, cute, nothing life-changing. Until I paused it halfway and asked, related to the scene:
From a man’s perspective, why do you think men are afraid to fall in love?
Instinct, maybe. Men fear they can’t provide.
I tilted my head and asked,
But what if providing isn’t even an issue? Like in this movie, where the woman’s the rich one? What else are they afraid of?
He paused again, thinking deeper this time.
Look at birds. The female protects the nest, the male searches for food. It’s instinctive.
Women, on the other hand, fear they can’t nurture well enough.
Men fear they can’t make their partner happy.
That one, I agreed with. I know he’ll dislike it when he reads this, but it instantly reminded me of something that someone once told me:
If you want to make your man happy, be happy yourself.
Because men feel fulfilled when the person they love feels joy.
That conversation spilled into something even richer: wisdom and judgment. I’d just read some golden insights from The Almanack of Naval Ravikant’s book summary earlier that day in Headway, so I grabbed my phone and started reading them aloud. We ended up discussing each one like two nerds who just discovered philosophy over the couch.
Here are a few we unpacked:
Judgment is scarce, costly, and vital. You're almost guaranteed to succeed in life if you develop your judgment skills.
Wisdom is the ability to see the long-term consequences of decisions before you make them. Applying this wisdom to solve external problems is what's referred to as judgment.
Thankfully, judgment is like a muscle, so it's something you can develop with time if you're serious about it.
Know the basics. To become an authority in anything, you have to understand its foundational truths.
Read to cultivate wealth and wisdom. Set aside 20 minutes each day to read books that foster personal development.
Focus on understanding concepts deeply. Choose one book at a time and take notes on key insights.
Cultivate a healthy study habit. Read everything you can lay your hands on. Start with the literary works you like, but don't stop there.
There's no such thing as mental junk; you can only get wiser and enhance your judgment. Your thoughts will improve and will show externally in the quality of your life.
We went through each point together, one by one. He was so into it, no surprise there. I told him how Naval Ravikant reminded me of him: serial entrepreneur, angel investor, computer science geek, the whole deal. No wonder the ideas resonated with him so much.
By the time we realized it, it was midnight. We hadn’t even finished the movie. But that didn’t matter anymore. Because the real story that night wasn’t on the screen. It was in our conversation; about life, love, instincts, and wisdom. The kind of talk that leaves you feeling more connected, not just to each other, but to yourself.
That night, I fell asleep feeling full. Not from food, but from connection. From conversations that made me think, laugh, and grow a little. A meaningful lunch with a friend. A good meal cooked with love. A deep talk that reminded me why I chose the man sleeping next to me.
Maybe that’s what happiness truly is: the moment when your id feels heard, your ego feels safe, and your superego feels proud.