What Our Lives Might Look Like Without Each Other

Today I spent the whole day at Bintaro Xchange, and somehow it turned into one of those quiet, unexpected days that end up teaching you something about yourself… and about love.

It started with lunch at The People’s Cafe. Just me and my husband, sitting side by side with warm food and even warmer conversations. We found ourselves talking about a question that sounds dramatic but wasn’t meant to be: what would my life look like without you, and what would your life look like without me?

It wasn’t a "bucin" moment. It was simply the topic of our #pacaranmingguini, slipped casually between sips of iced tea before he headed off to his mini work meeting. And somehow, without either of us feeling awkward or jealous, the conversation flowed into imagining the alternate versions of our lives. What if he had married his ex. What if I had married mine. What kind of people would we have become.

There was no tension. Just curiosity. Just honesty.

From that, we drifted into a quieter, deeper conclusion about what we hoped our daughters would look for someday in a life partner. Kindness, yes. Humor, yes. Compatibility, of course. But one thing, mandatory, must exist: growth mindset.

Because no matter how supportive you are, no matter how patient or loving or encouraging you try to be, if your partner does not want to grow, nothing will soar. In fact, both of you may slowly sink, dragging each other down without even realizing it.

Someone once said to me:

“Will he succeed if he doesn’t have you? Probably yes.

Will he become THAT successful though? Now that is the question he should dare to answer honestly.”

When I asked my husband about it, he said it was true. That I played a huge part in who he is now. I blushed, said thank you, and quietly shook my head. I refuse to take full credit for something he worked hard for. Yes, I’ve done my part. But the biggest contributor to his success… is still him.

I saw his potential. He grew into it.

I believed in him. And he still lets me believe.

But the most important thing is this:

he believes in himself too.

And that, I think, is the real hinge of any lasting partnership. You can’t help someone who refuses help. You can only walk beside someone who wants to walk, too.

At 1 p.m., his colleague arrived and they started their mini meeting. I slipped out and headed to Headquarter Salon for a haircut. Mbak Oliv did such a great job. Worth every bit of the 220k for wash, cut, and blow. I walked out feeling lighter, fresher, a little more me.

After that, I grabbed coffee at Djournal, right next to The People’s Cafe. The same place where we had lunch earlier. I sat there with my book, earphones in, Jabra doing its magic, letting the world shrink down to words and music while waiting for my husband to finish.

Around 6 p.m., we left to pick up our eldest from the airport after her trip to Lampung. We grabbed KFC for dinner and listened to her stories about the trip. And then we finally headed home, arrived safely at around 9pm.

We may not have chosen each other in every version of our lives. But in this one, we did. And every day, in every small way, we keep choosing again.

And that is enough. More than enough. That is how we live the best life we can, with the best choice we made, right here, right now.

Tuesday, 26 November 2025

Nuniek Tirta Sari

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