by - Sunday, December 26, 2010

How to find “the right one”? How do we know that he/she is the one?

First, no one in this world is perfect for you. Even when you think you found one, be prepared to find the fact that he/she is not that perfect. The good news is, there is actually someone who is just right for you. But bear in mind that you cant find Mr./Ms. Right. You make one. 

First time I met this guy for real was in July 2002, at Indonesian blogger community gathering (Blogbugs). We’ve been knowing each other for several months only via blog. I read his blog & he read mine, give comments & exchange link, as simple as that. Being smart, firstborn, famous-geek, calm & shy, he got my attention in the first place as a perfect guy.

Unfortunately, he already got a girlfriend. So I simply forget him and continue my journey in finding Mr. Right. A year later we met again, in the first national blogger gathering - Blogbugs Anniversary (May 2003). Under a circumstances that he was being on the lowest point of his life; that he thought there won’t be any girl would accept him for who he is and who he was.

Given the fact that he’s not as perfect as I wish he is, I work out to make him the right one for me. Not merely because I love him, but also because he’s worth it. Not easy, definitely. Most of my friends are questioning why I chose him. His mom was wondering what I see in him. He even thought that I’m out of his league.

The hardest part, was how to convince my parents that he’s the right one. They’ve been opposing my choice since the very beginning. Understandable, since there are some odds between us: from personality, appearance, occupation, until religion. But I took that as an exciting challenge.

Personality

He was extremely an intovert at that time, while I was extremely extrovert. He never mingle & seldomly initiate a conversation with others. When my family or friends started a conversation, he only responded with “yes” or ” no”. I see that as the first thing I need to work out to make himself acceptable. He needs to be more open, engage with others, and involve in activities around him, thus people will get to know him better.

Practice makes perfect. So I always ask him to accompany me in any community I joined, take him to my house as frequent as possible so he can get more chance to communicate with my family, and involve him in conversations with my friends. I gave him a great book that ever changed me when I was 18: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale CarnegieSoon he learned that it gives him more advantage to be a socialized person rather than a loner. He slowly becomes more welcome to others, be an open person. Later, he even becomes more extrovert than I was before :p

On a D-FM radio interview last September 2010, he was asked: “What’s the most important decision you’ve ever made that brought the biggest changes in your life?” He answered, “The most important decision & biggest changes in my life is when I met & married my wife, I learned on how to convert from an introvert person to be an extrovert person.”

Appearance

Friends said, he looked so geek and I looked chic. My parents said, he looked childish and I looked stylish. He even admits he was “cupu” at that time with old school “belah tengah” hairstyle. We laugh together when we remember our first date at Twilight Cafe Kemang, having a candle light dinner, I was wearing an office outfit with a blazer, short skirt, and high heels; while he was wearing a T-shirt, cargo pants, and sandal! ^.^ Thou I think he’s naturally cute, yes I guessed he will be more adorable if I can makeover his look.

So I took that as another challenge. When I saw a guy with a cool hairstyle, I told him that he can be more handsome than that guy with the same hairstyle =) He then becomes a loyal customer of Citicuts Sarinah for about 7 years. I gave him a Biore White moisturizer I was using and see the difference after using it (too bad the product doesnt exist anymore). I encourage him to try new style and not just stuck with the old fashion. Now he becomes a truly metrogeeksual, sometimes more stylish than I am =p

Occupation

At that time, he was still studying at Fasilkom UI to get his bachelor degree. I am already quite steady with my career as a secretary, while also studying in UMB majoring PR on weekend. I fully supported myself on tuition fee, while he still received it  from his parents. Thou he also took freelance project and sometimes got as much money as I got or even more, my conservative-minded parents just didn’t buy it. What they expect was a man who has good career with steady income, to make sure that the man can feed me and nurture my future kids well. Believing that this guy has very big potential to be a succesful man, I see that it’s just a matter of time.

After been dating for 1 year 3 months, he started his first job a day after graduation day, right on my birthday. His salary was half than mine. In less than a year it’s upgraded up to 80% of my salary. Then a year later he moved on to another company, and… Didn’t get paid at all for months. We were married and Michelle was just born, I fully support our little family financially. During that period, I never complain nor talk about it to anybody. I only told his mom after the problem was gone. Neither did I ever let him down thru such hard times. Things were getting better; he worked to another company and started to get income as much as I got, then hijacked by other company and surpassed my income. Now my parents can rest assured that this guy is a good breadwinner.

Religion

If you are a loyal reader of this blog, you’d probably still remember my blog post titled “Tuhan dan Cinta” on September 2003, which was quite controversial and got hundreds feedback, positive & negative. It explains everything; I wouldn’t say anything more. You cant find it here, as my blog archive during September 2002 until May 2006 was gone. But still, you can googling it with some specific keywords. Be smart =p One thing for sure: we maybe had different religion, but we have one belief. I am thankful that we are now walking in one path. 

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There, I tackled all the obstacles to get my Mr. Right, against all odds. Not easy, it involved tears of both sadness & happiness. Love is never enough. It needs trust, honesty, compromise, sacrifice, understanding, diplomacy, and communication skill. And of course, teamwork. Between you and your loved one. 

Fight for your love, but dont low yourself to beg. You must know when to go on and when to stop. On a critical period of our relationship, I once told him, “If you’re not happy with our relationship, I am OK if you leave. With all potentials you got, I’m sure you can get someone better than I am.” Then he answered, “But no one could ever changed me the way you do.Even my mom.” 

Yet, it’s not a happy ending. Why? Because true love has no end =) Next step and bigger challenge for me now is: how to maintain the marriage. Gotta make another post about that =p Happy birthday, luvly hubby!

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