Journey to the Peace of Mind

*Fair warning: please have an open mind to read this post. If you think you can’t, quick, close the window. Only God may judge me. Thanks :)

On my birthday last year, hubby asked from 9000 miles away:

“Mommy, are you happy?”

One simple question that costs a complicated answer.

One week after that, a drama happened that made me think of filing for a divorce. Turned out, we resolved the problem with one condition: I demand a marriage counseling with expert. He agreed, and we stay together up to now.

But I had to deal with a collateral problem: 5 stages of grieving. Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression.. before it finally reach Acceptance. The longest stage was the fourth.

I was in and out of hospital for several months. Headache, stomache, heartburn, GERD, psychosomatic, and other sympthoms that doctor couldn’t even analyze. It costs me a lot and I’m sick of it.

I don’t want to spend more time & money for treatments & medicines that couldn’t cure me to the root. I need to invest in myself for learning the real problem, in order to know how to deal with it and to prevent it in the future.

So I enroll for a magister program in counseling study. I knew this program since Valentine last year when the founder spoke on couple’s retreat and I was so much impressed.

In order to enroll, I had to take psycho test. And, surprise surprise, I didn’t pass. LOL! The result clearly stated that I am stress, depressed, unhappy, mentally unhealthy. Well that’s why I need to take the class since the first place, right? It’s part of my journey to find the peace of mind.

Fortunately, I got a second chance, with one condition: I have to do counseling with expert. By the end of the first semester, I will be evaluated if I could pass to the next level or not.

I believe everything happens for a reason. And I’m sure God has a beautiful plan for me after passing this through. Maybe after self help, I can also help many other women who has similar problems. Who knows.

I’m not proud of this all, but I’m not ashamed to admit either. This is just another phase of life I had to pass.

And btw, just last month I finally found the answer to hubby’s question:

“Happiness is overrated for one who’s still striving for peace of mind.”

PS: the class will start this morning from 9am until 6pm. Wish me luck!

Post a Comment