Backwards
My terrace door was locked for several days. I’ve been trying hard to open it but always failed. The harder I pushed the key to the right (open direction), the strongest it seems to stuck. The door was left unopened, and all I got was hurt in my fingers.
Today I desperately tried it one more time. I pushed it hard, and again, failed. But suddenly, out of nowhere, I had an idea to pull it backward. I turned it to the left (lock direction), it is locked even deeper. Then I turned it to the right, twice, almost without effort, and voila! The door is successfully open!
My mom once told me a story when she was in Makkah. There’s an old couple who fought hard and everyone in the camp knows. The next day, the man brought the woman food, as a gesture of apology, although without saying sorry verbally. The woman, who were still offended, refused it. Mom gave her an advice, “Keras jangan dilawan dengan keras. Jadinya hancur.”
The same advise should’ve been given to me 12 years ago. I thought I’ve done every possible way to conquer a relationship, but in fact I did it in a wrong way, tried too hard on a wrong direction. Just learnt this when everything is too late..
“You must know the key by now. Don’t challenge the ego. Feed it. It will succumb by its own weight, on your direction, later. Resistance is futile. Trying to break it, you will end up breaking yourself.”
Had only all women know the key, I guess we won’t need to sing these lines of Wrecking Ball wholeheartedly with Miley..
“I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should’ve let you win..”
2013 - Experience & Lessons Learned
2013 was such a roller coaster year that it took quite some time to think, write down, edit, and finally publish.
2013 was also about dreams come true. I’m often overwhelmed by my own wishes, it seems to always find its way to be fulfilled.
Must be extra careful about what I’m wishing for.. Coz God always listens and answers our prayers.. Sooner or way later. That’s what 2013 taught me.
HIGHLIGHTS
Done LASIK in KMN Kebon Jeruk in January. One of the best decisions ever taken, after 4 years of consideration. Now I can see very clearly without glasses or lenses.
Refilled my self-love buckets by semi-solo traveling (read: without hubby). Visited Situ Gunung (and dreadful ojek experience in Curug) in May, one day trip to Belitung Island also in May, dolphin hunting in Teluk Kiluan in June, and happily stranded in Karimun Jawa for a week in July.
Refreshed relationship with hubby by spending time together in Bangkok (on wedding anniversary), Singapore (stay in Marina Bay Sands and dip in the famous infinity pool), Malaysia (always bad experience except good friend), and Taiwan (very good first impression, and I got the wooden musical I’ve been wishing for). Also traveled with family to Bandung, Solo, Yogya.
My first trip to several countries of the US, invited by US Embassy in Indonesia for International Visitor Leadership Program (IVLP). For almost a month I had unforgettable experience meeting lotsa people and learning about startups and small business in Washington DC, Rochester New York, Kansas City, Missouri, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles. Also transit in several cities such as Hongkong, Japan, Detroit, San Francisco, Atlanta, Denver and collect some local souvenirs :D
Watched Michael Buble World Tour in Chicago a day after my birthday! Such a dream come true!! Nuffsaid :))
God is so funny, He could be playful sometimes. In 2013 He answered all my questions, curiousity, prayers, dreams and wishes of more than a decade ago AND even top it with surprises beyond my expectation. So much to learn from the mistakes back then, though it’s way too late..
DOWNSIDES
Lost my dad just 4 days after his 61st bday. I made another best decision to have lunch together with him, only 14 hours before he rest in peace.. Although at the same time a respectable friend of mine asked to have lunch with me, I’m sooo glad I chose dad instead. Lesson learned: trust your instinct, and don’t delay doing something good.
Made a stupid mistake by not taking any decision and let other decide it for me. The consequence was fatal and it was me & only me to bear and blame. It cost me so much. Lesson learned: not taking decision is still a decision. Decide!
My deed brought up a fire and almost burn down everything. I could accept the flame but couldn’t accept the overreaction. It was just me trying to resolve one greatest weakness for years. And most of all, I’ve given forgiveness for the similar mistakes not just once, not twice, but several times. It feels like all the bitterness I chewed & swallowed are being spilled out again. Good thing is, there’s a strong will to fight and win back. Lesson learned: only by passing the test we can upgrade to the next level. Obviously.
Four stages of grieves. Body-mind-soul unbalance. Battle of brain & heart. Sleep deprived. Couldn’t define beautiful dreams or nightmares. Hospitalized, doctor consultations, lab tests, rontegn, USG, CT Scan. So much for a peacefulness. Lesson learned: love just ain’t enuff.
Thank you 2013 for all the experience and bitter sweet lessons learned.
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