Life is a GIFT; that's why Today is a PRESENT

Tentram Tanpa Pembantu

Dulu, setiap kali nggak ada pembantu, ketentraman keluarga kami selalu terganggu.

Faktor PERTAMA, karena ekspektasi masing-masing yang terlalu tinggi. Bukan, bukan ekspektasi tentang pembantu ideal. Tapi ekspektasi tentang pasangan ideal.

Buat saya (dulu), suami ideal adalah yang seperti papa saya: meskipun kerja cari uang dari jam 10 pagi sampai jam 10 malam, tetap mau bantu2 mama kerjain urusan rumah tangga. Mulai dari cuci baju, cuci piring, nyapu ngepel, jemur baju, nyetrika, bahkan masak, you name it lah, semuanya papa bisa dan biasa. Dan itu dilakukan on daily basis, back to back with mom and children, bukan hanya sesekali atau kalau ada maunya aja loh.

Sedangkan sepertinya buat suami (dulu), istri ideal adalah yang seperti mamanya: melayani segala kebutuhan suami. Istilahnya from A to Z, dari kepala sampai kaki. Wong nasihat eyang putrinya ke saya sehari setelah kami menikah saja masih saya ingat jelas, saat kami duduk berdua di ruang makan: “Suami musti dilayani. Kalau mau makan harus disiapkan. Kalau suami belum pulang, ditunggu, makan malam sama-sama.”

Parahnya, dulu kami menganggap yang IDEAL itu adalah yang SEHARUSNYA. Menganggap bahwa apa yang dilihat sejak kecil itu, ya sudah seharusnya begitu. Padahal ideal itu ya ideal, alias sempurna. Mana ada manusia yang sempurna? Apalagi didikannya beda total :))

Faktor KEDUA, karena saling perhitungan. Kira2 seperti ini simulasinya:

“Aku udah cape kerja, nyetir pulang macet2an, sampe rumah masih harus nyuci piring panci kotor.”

“Loh emang aku di rumah nggak kerja? Coba deh gantian urusin 2 bayi seharian tanpa bantuan, nyuci nyapu ngepel sambil urusin online shop sendirian.”

*kemudian saling lempar bayi*

“Aku kan udah nyetrika sebakul, masa musti nyuci botol juga?”

“Yaudah nih gantian begadang nenenin si adek, bisa?”

*kemudian rebutan nenen* #eh

“Udah dibantuin gendongin bayi juga! Masih misah misuh.”

“Hah, dibantuin?? Emangnya anak ini anak aku doang???”

*kemudian minggat bawa bayi*

Yah dulu gitu deh kura2, eh kira2 😂

Sekarang? Teteup.

Hehe nggak deng. Sejak beberapa tahun lalu sih udah jauh beda. Terutama sejak kita ikut retreat pasutri dan saya dapat banyak ilmu di kuliah konseling ya. Kita udah biasa hidup tanpa pembantu. Anak2 juga tambah mandiri. Kalo ada pembantu syukur, kalo nggak ada ya wasyukurilah.

3 bulan lalu sebelum liburan ke Banyuwangi sempat ambil pembantu di yayasan. Awalnya lumayan, nggak lama kemudian aku nggak tahan karena buanyak omong dan ngibul melulu. Too much bullshitt. Sehari sebelum liburan ke Jepang, dia aku pulangkan ke alamnya, eh ke kampungnya. “Kalo saya mau balik lagi boleh nggak non?” “Nggak usah.” “Saya betah di sini non” Ya sayanya yang nggak betah ada situ.

Ok back to the point, jadi gimana bedanya dulu dan sekarang?

Contoh ya…

Kemarin saya tepar selama 2 hari karena kecapean. Suami gantian bangun pagi siapin anak2 sampai dijemput sekolah. Sebelum berangkat kerja dia masih sempat beresin tempat tidur.

Malamnya dia baru sampai rumah jam 10 karena harus jenguk orang sakit di Karawaci dan lanjut makan malam bareng para BOD. Sampai rumah nggak langsung istirahat, tapi benerin rak sepatu yang rusak.

Habis itu dia nyuci piring setumpuk, lalu aku peluk & pijit sambil bilang “You dont have to do that, I’ll do it tomorrow. You must be tired”, yang dijawabnya “Nggak kok cuma sakit punggung aja”, tapi tetap dicucinya piring panci gelas sampai tuntas. Aku pun meneruskan menjemur pakaian.

Sudah selesai? Belummm. Jam 12 malam lewat, kami melanjutkan sampul buku anak2 karena mereka sudah harus tidur. Saya sampul buku2 kecil, dia sampul buku2 besar. Saya sudah selesai dan ketiduran, jam 2 pagi saya diciumnya untuk membangunkan saya supaya pindah ke kamar.

For all those things he did, made me love him even more. Well, who wouldn’t? 😍

Dulu saya sempat berusaha keras mengubahnya menjadi suami ideal versi saya tapi gagal dan dia semakin resisten. Begitu pula sebaliknya, dengan caranya dia sempat berusaha mengubah saya menjadi istri ideal versi dia tapi gagal dan saya juga makin resisten.

Sekarang saya sadar betul, bahwa kita tidak bisa mengubah pasangan menurut cara kita, kalau ia sendiri tidak mau berubah. Yang bisa kita lakukan adalah mengubah perlakuan kita terhadapnya, dan disadari secara langsung maupun tidak, cepat atau lambat perubahan itu juga akan mengubah cara pasangan memperlakukan kita.

Kamis, 21 July 2016
Nuniek Tirta Ardianto

PS: photo by Sweet Escape

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here’s the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!

#repath from Sarita

*It reminds me of my own blog post 3 years ago: Finding the Right One.

http://www.nuniek.com/post/48050156624/finding-the-right-one with Natali – View on Path.

Take a look at that meme above. Come to think of it, I think I get it.

Men feel the love in their heart but they don’t even dare to think about it. That’s why sometimes they just keep it safe and sound to control the damage.

While women, dare to think about love all the time especially when there are sweet memories running in their head, and they feel it deeply in their heart.

It’s just men’s way to protect their mind. Coz in fact they’re scared… That the thoughts of love will occupy their mind all the time.

So women may seem weak, but the truth is they’re that brave to think and feel the love, as much as it might cost.